My Mentor

Alright guys, I know it's been a while since my last entry, but hopefully I can get back to writing a bit more consistently. I'm not exactly sure how this post will be received, but it's something that I need to say and can't find the words to say it outright. Since my last post it has seemed like it's been a constant struggle both mental and physical for me. I've even been to the brink of hanging up the skates for good. While I continue to fight with most of these questions I haven't given in to the part of me that says "walk away". If I were on my own in this, believe me, I would have, and there are several people I have to thank for that. (There are more than the few I am about to name and I hope you understand how much your support means to me.) First, to Jamie, for being probably the best friend I have ever had. You are always the voice of reason and if I listened to you more often I wouldn't find myself in the situations that I do. Next, to Kavs, for taking the time to talk to me when I was prepared to throw everything I've worked so hard for away. I know how incredibly busy you are and I just want you to know how much it meant to me that you took the time to tell me quitting is NOT the answer. Next, to Taf, for being such an awesome positive influence on me and making me realize that trials are put in front of us for a reason. Since the day we met you have treated me like we have known each other forever. You've always been there to make me see the things that I sometimes blind myself to. Finally, to my mentor, Chad, to whom this entry is dedicated. I owe you more than I could ever say thank you for. Hopefully I can express some of that here.

Having someone that you can lean on and turn to when the times get tough is one of the most important attributes that you can have in this business. If you can find that you should never have anything to worry about. I just wish that I could understand this myself. Listen, I'll be the first person to tell you that I am lacking in the self-confidence department, so having someone to stand behind me and keep my head on straight has been one of the most beneficial facets that has come from this endeavor. As I said before, if I were on my own I would have given up a long time ago. I tell myself that I'm not up to par to ref this game. My feet are slow, I'm ridiculously short, and I think that my judgement is suspect at best. There's no limit to the short comings that I think I possess. Chad let's me know that these things are all in my head. It doesn't matter how many times he has to make me see things from his perspective, he stands behind me and gives me the confidence that for whatever reason i can't find on my own. This guy is a mentor in every since of the word. Yeah, I know the rules and how to apply them, but like everyone else, I screw up on occasion. He allows me the opportunity to say "I screwed up", but not to let it get in my head. Mistakes can be costly, but they're not the end of the world. Admit the mistake, learn from it, and move on. You can't change what's happened. All you can do is grow from it and keep moving forward. He never lets me turn a error in judgement into a bad game. 

I really am my own worst enemy. I know a lot of people say that, but you can ask anyone who knows me, I really am. I never give myself a break. I truly believe that I can't do anything right. I'm not sure why I do this to myself, but I always have. Learning how to think with confidence is new to me. I have to thank him for this as well. While I'm still learning this he has guided me to being a lot more comfortable with my decisions. I know that no matter what I call he is going to have my back. This is something he has told me the very first time we worked together. I can't begin to tell you how nervous I was; all I wanted to do was run away, but there was Chad reminding me that this was what I want to do and that he wasn't going to let me fail. Now, here we are over 2 years later and while I've questioned what I'm doing, I haven't given in. Things still aren't exactly easy for me, but I'm having fun and I know I'm going to be okay.

I guess my point in writing this entry is #1 to say thank you, but secondly to tell anyone out there who struggles with whether or not to walk away, don't. Find someone who is willing to help you through these times. Trust me, it doesn't matter where you are there's someone out there willing to take you under their wing. This is beneficial on so many levels. Thinking straight off the ice makes thinking straight on the ice a lot easier. Sometimes you just need someone to tell you the truth. It may not always be exactly what you want to hear, but its sometimes its the kick in the ass that you need. Know that they tell you these things not to bring you down, but to help you succeed. I know that if I drop the ball I'm going to hear about it, but that's okay. Its because he wants to see me work at the level he knows I'm capable of. 

I sometimes get stuck in things that are beneath what he sees in me because I get comfortable in something I'm doing. This is one of the areas I'm most grateful to him for. He doesn't let me get complacent. He pushes me to go further than what I believe I'm capable of. A lot of times I like to tell myself that I'm not good enough to work this level. He's always there to call me on that. He sees in me things that I don't, or that I've conditioned myself into believing. I get better because I'm pushed and because I'm told the truth. Things I'm doing today would have scared the Hell out of me a couple years ago and now I do them freely. I've not only grown as a Hockey Official, but as a person. I know that he would say I've done the things to get where I am, but the truth is if it wasn't for him I would have never had the confidence to make the changes I have made.

Chad, I want to thank you for everything that you have done for me. You have helped me grow into a respectable official that loves to do this job. While I'm not yet to where I want to be I know that I can count on you to help me reach my goals. The things that you have helped me through are far too many to name, but I want you to know that every piece of advice, every talk that we've had has been heard. Even though I still have my struggles, I know that I can always count on you to help me get through them. You are a great mentor and an even better friend. Thank you for everything. 

My Thank You to the NHL Linesman Who Doesn't Even Know I Exist

My return to being a Hockey Official has changed my life. In fact, some would say that it has saved it. As some of you know I have been an Official for quite a long time. I have always loved what I do, but there was a time that I didn't want anything to do with this game. I had given it up, albeit not by choice. I was injured quite badly in a game and was told by every doctor I saw that I would never be able to skate again. I took a deflected puck under my left ear. The resulting damage to my head and inner ear left me with serious balance issues. No one thought being on the ice was ever going to be possible let alone at a level that I can keep up with the game. Knowing that I could no longer be out there doing what I loved left me in a very dark place. Not only did I leave behind this part of the game, I left being a fan of it as well. I knew watching NHL games would only leave me with the empty void of not being able to be out officiating games. My injury occurred in October of 2009, then in late Sepetember of 2011 my life changed.
As I previously said I gave up hockey completely. In the time frame mentioned I hadn't watched a single game. I couldn't even tell you who won the Stanley Cup in those years. I guess you could say I resented the game. That's when fate stepped in. My best friend knew that I really liked Alex Ovechkin so he saw that the Capitals were going to be in Nashville for a late Pre-season game. My birthday is in mid-October so he got the two of us tickets to go down as a birthday gift for me. As much as I wanted nothing to do with it I couldn't say no. He had already got the tickets and being it was a surprise it was too late to find someone to take my place. Reluctantly I went.
Now, before I get into what happened at that game I must preface it with an explanation. Up to that point in my career I wasn't like I am now with following Professional Officials. For those of you who follow me on Twitter you know that I am probably a bigger fan of the Officials than I am of any team. This was not always the case. I never saw them as people I could learn from. They were inaccessible, too elite. So, I really didn't pay them much attention. This is the point where all that changed.
My friend and I got to our game. It had been a fun trip down so far and it hadn't really set in that I was going to watch my first hockey game in 2 years yet. He hadn't shown me the tickets so I had no idea where we were sitting. Being an NHL Arena I figured we would be in the upper bowl somewhere. We walked in and went to our seats, but instead of heading up like I had assumed, we headed down.  6 rows off the ice, bench side, right on the blue line. The best seat to that point I've had for a professional hockey game. The puck dropped without much care from me. I was to say the least, disinterested. That's when the love for the game took over. More and more I started to pay attention, but not to the game itself, but to the 4 guys on the third team on the ice. Mike Hasenfratz, Marcus Vinnerborg, Brad Lazarowich, and Derek Nansen. I couldn't take my eyes off these guys, but one stood out in particular, Derek Nansen. To this day I don't know what it was about him, but I was enthralled. That's when it happened. It was about halfway through the third period. There was a play along the boards right at the blue line. Nansen had nowhere to go. He got a bit tangled up in the play and he took a stick up high. You could tell it stung him, but he stayed with the play and made what turned out to be the right offside call. This is, I know, something that happens to a linesman all the time, but something about this clicked with me. He was "hurt", but he stuck with it. He didn't give up on the play and made the right call. At that instant I made my decision. I was going to earn my stripes back. I was going to do whatever it took to once again do what I loved. This was my game and no one was going to keep me from it any longer.
Against all advice and with everyone telling me I couldn't do it, I laced up my skates again. I started with an adult hockey class that is offered here. That first step I took out on the ice was the shakiest I had taken since I first put on a pair of skates, but I didn't fall. I stayed up. Needless to say I had lost all of the control and footwork that I had once had, but here I was, doing what they told me I would never do. With every trip out I got a little more confident. I had a lot of fear, but I kept pushing myself. Remembering that moment that changed everything. "Shake it off and stay with it". I did and although I am nowhere near the skater I once was I can feel it all coming back.
I have accomplished what I was told I never would. I am once again a USA Hockey Official. There are many people out there who have helped me get to where I am today. Derick, who knew my passion for officiating and asked me to help him out while I learn from him and get my feet back under me. Chad, who has taken me in as his unofficial mentee and been there to keep my head on straight. Jamie, who has been the best friend a person can ask for and who has listened and talked me through all my doubts and fears with coming back to this game. Then there is all of you guys on Twitter who have done more than you will ever know just by being a friend. All of this though I never would have had without Derek Nansen. Had it not been for him I can't say for certain that I would have any of the aforementioned people in my life. I would love to just be able to tell him Thank You. He has no idea of what he has done for me, and frankly, unless this somehow gets passed along to him, he probably never will. Just in case though, Mr. Nansen you changed my life in one action that I'm sure happens so often you don't even remember. I'll never forget it, because it saved me from myself. It gave me the hope that I could preserver. It told me that its ok to fall as long as you get up. Its because of you that I am the person I am today. Not perfect, but continuing to work everyday. Never giving into my fear. Not listening to the doubt. Rising above to be what I want to be and once again enjoying the game I love. Thank you for everything, Mr. Nansen.

On An Island But Never Alone

This post is dedicated to all the new guys out there and to those who stand behind them.
There are going to be a lot of times that you feel like the world is against you and that you are alone. Trust me, this is not the case. There is always going to be someone there to help you through these tough times. Sometimes its the person standing right in front of you, sometimes its a person that comes from the last place you'd expect. With me it's a bit of both. I work with one of mine a lot of the times I'm on the ice, the other I have honestly never met in person. It's just about being open to the help that is available, even if it is unconventional.  
As most of you know I have what some might call a bit of a self-confidence issue. (That's really a joke. I have major self-confidence issues) I get it in my head that I am the worst person ever to put on the stripes. Even though I know what I'm doing and have the ability to do it, I have a problem shutting out the self-doubt. I know that a lack of self-confidence is one of the worst traits that a Hockey Official can have, but my problem isn't on the ice necessarily, its getting from the dressing room to the ice and from the ice to the dressing room and beyond. I will mentally torture myself and make myself sick before and after game because I don't trust me. Its stupid, I know, but I can't seem to make the doubt go away. I'm not even talking about big games here, I'm talking about House and Adult League games. It shouldn't be this hard to put that sweater on and go out and do what I know I'm more than capable of doing. This is where the two main people I lean on for help come in. If it wasn't for them I would have listened to my demons and given in to the doubt a while ago. They have been there to push me forward every step of the way. They see the ability I know is there but can't see. They trust me. This is why I know that I can't quit. I can't give up. They believed in me enough to get me here so I can't let them down now. Because of them I am able to push through the fear and do what I love to do. Yeah, I still have a way to go, but I am on the right track. Every game gets easier and easier to go out for. Without them I know I would have quit, but here I am getting more and more confident everyday. Growing as an official and as a person. For all of this I am forever grateful to the two of you. I'm beginning to realize that even though a lot of times I may work by myself, I am never alone.
I know admitting to all of this may not have been the wisest thing for me to do. I know it makes me vulnerable for any coach or player that reads this to think that they can get into my head. Trust me, you won't, or at least you won't know it. Even if this post does fully expose my weaknesses as an Official I wrote it for the guy who wants to quit. Don't. You chose to be here for a reason. I'm sure that you love this game as much as the rest of us. Don't give up on that. Sure there are going to be times when you want to give in, that you question if it is all worth it. It is. You just have to fight through that. Use it to grow. You are going to mess up on occasion and people are going to yell at you for it, but just remember we have all been there. Rely on the people who are willing to walk with you through the hard times. Lean on them when you have to. We walk through the Hockey World together.

Outrage: Just Another Day At the Office

This post is dedicated to all of the fans/parents out there who see us as the reason that their team loses any given game. It's a very easy position to find yourself sitting behind the glass or in front of a television screen constantly criticizing what we do. You scream, yell, and even come up with crowd involved chants to hurl at us for the most miniscule perceived slight against your team. Guess what. We aren't there I any way to ruin the game. We are there to be impartial and to make sure the game is played fairly and safely. We don't care about the outcome or even what team is on the ice. What you don't realize is that we are fans as well. However, we are not fans of a team, but of the game itself. If we were to go into a game with the conscious decision that we were going to determine the outcome no official would be able to live with themselves for doing that. Not because we cheated a team, but because we cheated our game. We all love this game and I'll let you in on a little secret. We probably love it more than you. You don't think so? Let me ask you this. How many hours a week do you spend at the gym or reading up on the rulebook to prepare for the next time your team plays? How many nights a week do you spend away from your family to be at an arena for the next game? I already know your answer; "well its your job". No its not. For the most part we all have day jobs. We go to work just like you then we get to go do what we love. Other than the very few Full-time Officials we all have other careers. We officiate hockey because it is our passion not because we get a paycheck. 
Night after night we step out onto the ice to have everything from insults to beer bottles thrown at us, yet night after night we continue to do it. Countless times we have had to be escorted out of rinks, yet we continue to go out there. Why? Because every time we do we are living our dream. We get to be involved in the greatest game on the planet. We get to lace up our skates and be a part of something we love. Do you think we would jeopardize this for the outcome of a game? We pride ourselves on our integrity. Frankly, that is all we have.   Every official asks themselves "How can I make myself better?" We all may have a different answer to this question, but we all strive to find it. It doesn't matter if we are working House League, the NHL, the Olympics, or anywhere in between we all want one thing, the perfect game. It's the most elusive, possibly unattainable goal in officiating, but it is what we are all working so hard to achieve. So, do you really think we'd throw all of this away to wave off a game winning goal? This brings me to Brad Meier. Mr. Meier may be the most hated person in all of Russia and barring a minor miracle will probably continue to be for some time. Regardless the hatred and protests are unjust. If you're reading this and don't know what I'm referring to you must live under a rock,  but in the USA/Russia game Meier, an American, waved off what was potentially the game winning goal for the Russians. The net was dislodged by Jonathan Quick, the American goaltender. I can see the frustration of the Russian fans, but by IIHF rule if it becomes dislodged in any way no goal shall be allowed. This differs from the NHL rule. Had it been an NHL game the goal would have counted. The call went to review and was upheld by the IIHF's Off-ice Officials. Once it went under review Meier and his decisions are no longer a factor. He has no say in the outcome of what they decide. So why the hatred for Meier? Because it's what's common practice. Blame the Officials even if they have made the right call. Does Russia really believe that he is involved in some deep rooted, Cold War Era international conspiracy? I'd have to say surely not, but this type reaction is becoming more and more prevalent in our sport. It's far more convenient to blame the Officials for a loss than it is to accept the fact that your team was beaten.                         What's so wrong with admitting defeat, or that your player may have broken the rules? You are creating an environment that the only people held accountable are the Officials. In other words you are making us scapegoats. This is detrimental to the game because like it or not without us there is no game. I hear or read lots of complaints about competent officiating and how so few officials are up to the task. Why do you think that is? It's because the constant and unrelenting abuse forces the young ones out before they get a chance to learn and makes the experienced ones jaded. You yell, berate, and intimidate these young officials into quitting before they can even get started. Where do you think our game will be in 10 years of this trend continues? It's time for the abuse to stop. I challenge you to hold yourself accountable. Lay off the Officials because it's you that is killing the joy of the game, not us.

No Excuses

Everyone has done it. We've all blown a call or had a bad game. It's going to happen and guess what, it's more than likely going to happen again. How you handle it is what separates you from everyone else. There are so many ways that an Official can handle themselves when dealing with a coach or player who believes that they were slighted by your call. There's arrogance, and I don't mean that in a bad way, I mean that in the sense that you have to come across like you know that you are right. Then there's apologetic and then there's making excuses. This is the last thing that you want to do. Never make an excuse for missing a call. That's a great way to lose the respect of everyone involved, not to mention lose control of the situation. You have to have a balance of the arrogance and apologetic. You have to know that no matter if you missed something or not that the play goes on how you see it, but you have to be able to swallow that pride and on occasion admit that you screwed up. I have learned that when you do in fact miss a call, and you will, a coach has a lot more respect for you if you can say "hey, I missed it. I know I did and that's my fault. Sorry coach, I'll try to keep an eye on it from here out." Being able to say this is not a sign of weakness, in fact, it is the exact opposite. By doing this you just took all of the power in the situation. You just took every argument that that coach had and threw it out the window. What's he supposed to say now, "well you'd better"? Ok, you just told him you would. If you go over with the "I'm always right" attitude all that brings is a very unproductive argument. If that ensues then no one wins. Maybe you see being able to apologize as making excuses. Its noT. Trust me. If you were to go over in the same scenario and say "I didn't see it. I was screened." Now look what you've done, not only have you admitted to missing this call, but you've just told this coach that you were out of position. You've just compounded his argument and given him another reason to be angry with you. Now, see the difference? In admitting your mistake you took the power. When you made the excuse for missing it you gave all of the power away and made the situation worse.
Here's the thing, I'm not saying that you should apologize every time a coach wants to yell at you. If you did that you'd never get to stop. What I am saying is that if you mess up and you get called on it, say you did. Believe me I know that we all have to have that sense of a little arrogance. You have to. You have to believe that every call you make is the right call and you have to have the guts to stand behind it. That goes for your partner's calls as well. There will be times when you are questioned for a call that he makes. NEVER apologize for him. The rule of admitting mistakes applies only to yourself. That being said, stand up for him, tell the coach that it was his call and you stand behind it. Keep these conversations short. Even if you believe that it was the worst call ever made stand behind him on it and don't take his decision on how to handle his call out of his hands. Back to that little bit of arrogance you need to possess. Having it is a good thing. I've said before that we as Officials need to be a lot like goalies, having short memories after games. We also have to be like a Boxer. I say this because a Boxer must believe that every time he steps in to the ring he is going to win the fight. If he didn't believe this he'd never leave the dressing room. That's a lot like how we have to believe that every time we step out onto the ice we are going to make the right calls. You have to have that same chip on your shoulder knowing that regardless of what happens you always have the final say.
This is a very delicate balance of two contradictory attitudes. There is no exact science to handling on ice situations. If there were there wouldn't be such tremendous turnover with new and young Officials. These guys are the real reasons I'm writing these posts. They come from my experiences and things that I have learned either through others or from trial and error. You are going to get yelled at, a lot. If you know how to handle it you have a better opportunity to succeed. Just remember the trick in this one is to NEVER make an excuse for missing a call. Take control, don't give control away. With that comes respect.

What's Said Between Us Can Have Consequences

We've all been there. Everyone of us has been yelled at, cussed, and belittled by a coach after explaining or informing them of a call. All you can do is stand there and take it. You bite your tongue, you take a deep breath, but you do not fire back. You just stand there holding all those emotions in when every fiber of your being is screaming at you to give this guy what he is asking for. When you finally get to skate away you see your refuge, the only person/people that are on your side. So, what do you do? If you are like me, and if you have the time to do so, you skate over and let some of that frustration go. You just received the chewing of a lifetime and weren't even able to defend yourself. It's just the two/three of you standing there in our crease. You proceed to tell them how big of a ******* ******* this guy is and that you are doing the best ******* job that you can and that he wants to give you this much **** over a 2 minute ******* penalty. You have pride too and when you're not able to stand up for yourself while you are being demoralized its a pretty big hit to it. Ok, so you've blown off some steam and you've done a relatively decent job of keeping your emotions in check. Hey, its nothing a beer or two with the boys after the game won't fix, right? That's when you realize that your Timekeeper has heard every word that you have said. I'm sure a lot of you are like me in the fact that your Timekeeper is usually a parent. If it's not then its some type of league official. Let's just say that this one is not very sympathetic to your current situation. Now what? Now, you're screwed and you have no one to blame but yourself. Yeah, it was supposed to be a conversation that was just between you and your partner(s), but you didn't make sure that they were the only ones that could hear you. This is why I believe that Paul Devorski is incurring this week's Internet Referee hate. I understand that a Referee at his level has nowhere to hide and that what he said was supposed to be a conversation between himself and Dan O'Rourke and that it just happened to be caught on camera. I have absolutely no problem with what he said. You have to be expected to show a little humanity when you are talking to your partner, especially if you have just informed John Tortorella that the opposing team is about to go on a 7 minute 5 on 3 Power Play. Honestly though, I really don't believe that this would even be today's object of Ref hatred if it wasn't A) for the video game like score, B)for the crazy, but rightfully called 7 minute 5 on 3, or C) and probably the biggest reason, in my opinion, the fact that Devorski points to the bench when saying what he said. If it wasn't for that gesture to the bench I believe that no one would be mentioning Devorski's name. Seriously though, anyone who follows NHL Officiating, Hell anyone who truly follows the NHL, knows that Devorski is notorious for dropping F-Bombs. This isn't uncommon, but everyone wants to act like its some big surprise and gets entirely bent out of shape when a Ref get scaught on camera dropping one. I guess the point that I am trying to make is that emotions in very volatile situation are almost impossible to control. Even someone as elite as Paul Devorski can lose control of them.
We all take pride in what we do. We work hard studying, skating, and training to constantly get better. People don't know and don't understand how much time and effort we put in making ourselves better Officials. Except for each other the only thing we have out on the ice is our integrity and when someone calls that in to question, it hurts. I know. All you want to do is scream back, but you can't. You have to hold yourself to that higher standard. You have to be better than what they are. You have to find that strength within yourself to just tune it out and if it gets bad enough there are always penalties that can be handed out.
Its very important to know how to pick your battles. Most just really aren't worth fighting. Every Ref possesses the tools to win every one, its the good Ref that knows which ones to lose. When you do lose one and you're at that point where your anger and frustration is about to get the better of you just remember that an on-ice conversation may not be private. That's why they give us our own dressing rooms. Once you're in there its safe to just let it fly. Talk about it with you partner(s), but when you've got it all out of your system it's important that you leave it there. You can't carry it with you. You have to be able to forget it ever happened because chances are you will be seeing that coach again. We have to be a lot like goalies. Short memories. This is a lesson that I, myself, am still trying to learn. We cannot let what happened in one game follow us around. It is very important to move on and forget about it.
What you say to you partner(s) should always be just between you. However, its not a perfect world. There's always going to be someone with their eyes on you just waiting for you to drop the ball and when you do they will be right there to call you on it. We must be beyond reproach. I'm not saying don't voice your frustrations or anger to your partner(s). In fact, you should. They may be able to give you some tip or advice that will calm the situation. I'm saying you have to voice these concerns respectfully, especially if there are kids involved. Yeah he might have used that language with you, but you have to be bigger, be better on the ice. When you go out for that beer after the game, that's when you say what you want.

Why I Chose the Stripes

Let's face it, the obvious reason is because I was never good enough to play. Sure there are development leagues or whatever, but playing competitively was never in the cards for me. I've always found myself to be a decent enough skater, I just never had the hands, skills, speed, or size to play. That being said I love this game and anything I can do to stay on the ice and be a part of it I'm all for. So, if you add my love + my knowledge, the best answer you get is Official. Sure, I could coach, but this is the best off all sides. I get to skate, teach and continue to learn and grow. I've always felt like there is a ceiling to coaching. (I'm sure all coaches will disagree with me here) Don't get me wrong without coaches there would be no game. Most put in countless hours developing their craft. I'm just saying that I feel like it is a skill that can be perfected. It wasn't the right fit for what I want to do. As an Official I have to constantly change, learn, adapt, and grow. I really can't call any two games the same way, so it is a constant learning experience for me. I'm not even necessarily speaking of rule changes, sure they are a challenge sometimes. I'm speaking more to the side that each team, each matchup is different. I can not take what worked before and apply it to every situation. That doesn't work. That's a quick way to becoming the guy/girl no one wants to see. I'm not trying to badmouth anyone. The point I'm trying to make with that statement is if I decide to go out and call every game the same way  then I paint myself into a corner of expectation. I know what you are going to say, "that's called being consistent". I'm not saying don't call games consistently, we all should. I'm saying that I have to be adaptable. I can't have a rigid, unalterable mindset. There is a difference between consistency and rigidity. What it boils down to is every situation can not be handled the same way. I have to be able to be creative, to think on my feet. Something I used before to defuse a situation may escalate it in another instance. Different people react differently to like situations. I have to be able to read that and adapt accordingly.
Probably the biggest reason I Ref is because of my teammates. I've been part of a lot of teams in my life, but none of them have been anything like my experience as an Official. No matter what, we are always there for each other. I doesn't matter if its covering a game for someone, talking another official through that always lurking tough game, or standing behind us even if we completely blew a call. I'm pretty sure I've referenced this before, but it is very important to me and rings true every time. In one of my first games back my partner knew I was nervous. He looked at me and said "I don't care if you go out there and call a Double Dribble. If you make the call I've got your back, no matter what." That made me realize I wasn't on an island. That we were in it together, good or bad. We were going to be great or be miserable, but we were going to do it as a team. The thing is situations like this are consistent across the board. We all do this for each other. We never throw each other under the bus. If our partner makes a bad call we stand behind him, always. We never turn to players or coaches and tell them our partner blew it. It may be the most brutal blown call in the history of the game, but any of us would be right behind him. We take a lot of crap doing what we do, but the reason I continue to be able to take all of it and put on the stripes game after game is because there is an entire world of others standing right behind me. It's not just my on-ice partners, the guys I work with, but the community that we have built through each other. If you were to go through my followers on Twitter you'd find that probably 65% of them are other Hockey Officials. All of them from different levels of the game and from different countries. Neither of which matters. We are all part of the same team and we are all there for each other. There has been many times several of us have talked out a call or an interpretation through Twitter and most of the time we don't live in the same country. I've never met these guys, but all of them are willing to have my back because we are all teammates.
A lot of people believe that I am drawn to officiating because of my Asperger's. That I love this part of the game because it is about the rules and the order. That there is a designed punishment for each breach of the rules. Having this order makes the world a lot more understandable of a place for me even if it is only 17,000 square feet of it. On the ice I'm able to be me, and I'm, if only in one place in the world, comfortable. Being an Official I am able to bring order and control to, in my eyes, an uncontrollable world. All of this may be true, but I still love my game. I love to be a part of it and as long as my legs can carry me I will be out on the ice wearing the Stripes.